What am I doing?
Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, "Come, lets go over to the outpost of the uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few." "Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."
- 1 Samuel 14:6,7
This passage has dominated my time with the Lord in the past 3-4 weeks. I just don't have any answers anymore. All I can do is just keep asking myself "What am I doing?" In this verse Jonathan is wanting to go pick a fight with the Philistines, he tells his armor bearer what his plan is and then says "perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf," There is so much uncertainty in that comment. Maybe God will help us, maybe He won't. The thing is, that wasn't the deciding factor on whether they went or not. That was the reality of Jonathan and his armor-bearer going to pick a fight. They were on a mission and knew that there wasn't a guarantee that they would return. There was no fear involved, just a reckless committment to knowing that God was good. They knew the character of God was good regardless if they lived or not. They were willing to give themselves for the movement of God. Would I be willing to do that? Would you be willing to do it? I asked myself that question and I hesitated, I actually had to think about it. Thats when I knew I had a problem. All I could do was just ask God to change my mind, to change my way of thinking, to reveal himself as He truly is and destroy the view of Him that I have created. The view of God that I made to revolve around myself. It was a defining moment in my life, I actually began to believe that it was not about me. I have heard it time and time again, but for the first time I have begun to believe it.
Experiencing that relevation with God has really created a huge sense of urgency in me, alot of nights I just sit at the house staring, mind racing, trying to see what does "Life" truly look like. What does adventure, warfare, romance, what does it all look like when it is seen as a part of a movement and not about me. I m not very pleasant to be around during those times, you can ask Sarah. I do not want to let opportunities pass me by, I don't want my external circumstances to determine whether or not I truly live. This past weekend I decided to cut down a magnolia tree in our front yard. It was about 40 feet high and telephone lines and power lines ran straight through it about three quarters of the way up. All I had was hack saw so I decided to climb up to the top of the tree and just start cutting piece by piece. Sarah was concerned for me, which I could understand, I was 40 feet up sawing branches. One slip or breaking of a branch and it would be me playing plinko all the way down. She was at work all day and I talked to her in the middle of the day. She had tried to call me a couple of times but I didnt carry my phone up in the tree, she thought maybe something had happened since I wasnt answering. If I did fall there wouldnt be anybody at the house to help me. I understood her concern. I told her that I was going back into the tree, just me and my hacksaw and that tree was coming down, maybe God will help. She thanked me for that and in that moment I could see her heart go from worry about her husband to knowing that the character of God is good and perfect no matter what happens. What if we put ourselves into situations where we just had to say "maybe God will help." That just seems so exciting to me, there is so much uncertainty there. I desire that life for myself and my family. A life that revolves around the character of God and how He can be trusted. Maybe Sarah and I will move to London, maybe I ll run with the bulls in Spain, maybe we will snowboard the Swiss Alps, maybe I ll learn how to snowboard, maybe we will go on a safari in Africa, maybe Sarah will get to sing in the Hillsong thingy in Australia, maybe I ll climb the Great Wall of China. Maybe we will start a medical clinic in South America, maybe we will build houses for people in Thailand, maybe we will start a sports ministry in Iraq. Maybe a music ministry in Vietnam. I dont have any say on how long I will live, but I do believe I have a choice on how I live. It is great to dream, maybe it is time that we start living those dreams. Maybe God will help. In closing Erwin Mcmanus asks the question, "If you werent afraid of death, or failure, or if you weren't afraid of rejection, if you were not afraid of humiliation, if you were not afraid of what other people thought about you, if you were not afraid of anything, what would you be doing? What would you do with your life? I believe Life is found on the other side of that question. If you were afraid of nothing, what would you be doing?
- 1 Samuel 14:6,7
This passage has dominated my time with the Lord in the past 3-4 weeks. I just don't have any answers anymore. All I can do is just keep asking myself "What am I doing?" In this verse Jonathan is wanting to go pick a fight with the Philistines, he tells his armor bearer what his plan is and then says "perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf," There is so much uncertainty in that comment. Maybe God will help us, maybe He won't. The thing is, that wasn't the deciding factor on whether they went or not. That was the reality of Jonathan and his armor-bearer going to pick a fight. They were on a mission and knew that there wasn't a guarantee that they would return. There was no fear involved, just a reckless committment to knowing that God was good. They knew the character of God was good regardless if they lived or not. They were willing to give themselves for the movement of God. Would I be willing to do that? Would you be willing to do it? I asked myself that question and I hesitated, I actually had to think about it. Thats when I knew I had a problem. All I could do was just ask God to change my mind, to change my way of thinking, to reveal himself as He truly is and destroy the view of Him that I have created. The view of God that I made to revolve around myself. It was a defining moment in my life, I actually began to believe that it was not about me. I have heard it time and time again, but for the first time I have begun to believe it.
Experiencing that relevation with God has really created a huge sense of urgency in me, alot of nights I just sit at the house staring, mind racing, trying to see what does "Life" truly look like. What does adventure, warfare, romance, what does it all look like when it is seen as a part of a movement and not about me. I m not very pleasant to be around during those times, you can ask Sarah. I do not want to let opportunities pass me by, I don't want my external circumstances to determine whether or not I truly live. This past weekend I decided to cut down a magnolia tree in our front yard. It was about 40 feet high and telephone lines and power lines ran straight through it about three quarters of the way up. All I had was hack saw so I decided to climb up to the top of the tree and just start cutting piece by piece. Sarah was concerned for me, which I could understand, I was 40 feet up sawing branches. One slip or breaking of a branch and it would be me playing plinko all the way down. She was at work all day and I talked to her in the middle of the day. She had tried to call me a couple of times but I didnt carry my phone up in the tree, she thought maybe something had happened since I wasnt answering. If I did fall there wouldnt be anybody at the house to help me. I understood her concern. I told her that I was going back into the tree, just me and my hacksaw and that tree was coming down, maybe God will help. She thanked me for that and in that moment I could see her heart go from worry about her husband to knowing that the character of God is good and perfect no matter what happens. What if we put ourselves into situations where we just had to say "maybe God will help." That just seems so exciting to me, there is so much uncertainty there. I desire that life for myself and my family. A life that revolves around the character of God and how He can be trusted. Maybe Sarah and I will move to London, maybe I ll run with the bulls in Spain, maybe we will snowboard the Swiss Alps, maybe I ll learn how to snowboard, maybe we will go on a safari in Africa, maybe Sarah will get to sing in the Hillsong thingy in Australia, maybe I ll climb the Great Wall of China. Maybe we will start a medical clinic in South America, maybe we will build houses for people in Thailand, maybe we will start a sports ministry in Iraq. Maybe a music ministry in Vietnam. I dont have any say on how long I will live, but I do believe I have a choice on how I live. It is great to dream, maybe it is time that we start living those dreams. Maybe God will help. In closing Erwin Mcmanus asks the question, "If you werent afraid of death, or failure, or if you weren't afraid of rejection, if you were not afraid of humiliation, if you were not afraid of what other people thought about you, if you were not afraid of anything, what would you be doing? What would you do with your life? I believe Life is found on the other side of that question. If you were afraid of nothing, what would you be doing?
posted by Patrick Kuhlers at 9:12 AM
11 Comments:
Thanks for sharing that Patrick. I think that is a question that we do not ask ourselves because we are afraid of our answers. I'm so glad you we are all friends. We need to plan another couples date soon. Last week was loads of fun. Oh, yeah. . . and tell Sarah she needs a blog.
thanks patrick.
a big thanks from me too... i told everyone who reads my blog to come read this... hope you don't mind.
happy st. patty's day!!!!!
Happy Birthday to the Warrior!! May it be filled with amazement and adventure >> with some exciting basketball as well.. Go Monmouth!!
Viva la Mexico y feliz cumpleaños.
well said.
thanks.
jp.
good post, bro. I remember reading about that story in 1 Samuel and being fired up to take on the world. I think that is an amazing truth to continue to revist in our lives. Kind of like a doctor's appointment every once in a while. You know, just check up on the condition of our heart. I love the idea of fearlessly going for the abundant life, and maybe the "good One" will help. Love you dude!
pat - looking foward to the next post, thanks for letting me talk to your girl so long last night.
dc awaits you,
billie
That's a great question: What would you be doing if you were not afraid of anything?
But I think there is also a process of of being weaned off of those things that cause us to fear ...God asking are you willing to follow Me, or yield to this fear, this unknown - like you were saying. Sometimes it does come down to just saying, yes Father, I trust You and know you will come through...though I don't know how. That's where it gets exciting!
Good thoughts. thanks for sharing.
And I have a friend who can take you camping on the Great Wall of China if you ever find yourself in Beijing :0) !
ttfn, ta ta for now!
so dude.. what are you doing now??
My question isn't what you're doing, more like how are you doing..
so where were you this morning?? :0)
Post a Comment
<< Home